Walking with ancestors...
For many years I have heard and said ancient prayers, wisdom from our elders, telling me that we are “sitting on the shoulder of our ancestors”. I always found the image beautiful; it always touched my heart deeply. But little did I know that it would take the death of my two grandparents, and a magical series of divine tricks, to truly let those words touch the depth of my soul.
So let me tell you a beautiful story. A story for your heart. A story for your soul. Because it’s a story made with tears, and with love.
In November 2016, my grandfather died, on a night of a super full moon. It was one of the hardest moments of my life because I had built deep emotional bridges with him, and I believe we had very old karmic connections. We just knew each other. We could SEE each other. We both carried deep wounds, and it felt good to be seen wounded without having to ever say a word about it, and still be loved.
A few weeks before his death, I became very sick, and ended up spending two weeks in bed and in a hospital, with a 104F fever of “unknown origin”, and right after spending a few days with the 13 elder grandmothers. As I connected to my teacher during that time at the hospital, he saw a big dragon above me, burning me, helping me shed my old skin. Becoming a new me. A few weeks later my grandfather health went down, and a month later he died. I am laughing at how God loves to play with Her love for us. Surrounding my rebirth with grandmothers and grandfather…
In the spring of 2017, the call of the ancestors continued to grow deeper. Louder. The grandfathers and grandmothers called me without me even noticing most of it... But yet I decided to honor that calling by going to walk the hardest trek of Europe, on my native island of Corsica. Walk the land of my ancestors. I came with a simple yet deep prayer in my heart “I want to meet my ancestors and connect with them”. I flew to Nice and “coincidentally” arrived the day of my grandmother birthday. 98 years old. And spend a few magical days with her. The grandmothers and grandfathers were already praying for me and reaching out… They keep trying to have me hear them.
I left for the GR20, the trek. After a few days in the mountain, my knees started to hurt to such tremendous amount of pain that I had to abandon the trek. On my knees. A painful walk alone down the mountain, leaving me perplex on why it ended, and yet filled with signs from God (too long to relate here…). So I decided to rest with my family, and my grandmother was there, so I got to enjoy a few weeks alone with her, with very deep conversations and closeness of Heart. A truly magical time of deep Love. Spirits came in my dreams laughing at me and saying “you asked to meet your ancestors and connect with them, so here you are with them!”
The irony of the Spiritual seeker I was. I was laughing at my unknowingness. Sitting powerless incapable of walking. Looking to connect to my ancestors, in the “spirit world”. God was laughing at me. She got me literally on my knees. Stopped me so I would listen and see that what is asked of us is to be HUMAN and embody in a human life the spirit that we are. She was asking to transform our prayers into actions in the world. To not escape through our spiritual practices but to make the actions of our lives the most important prayers. To not be blinded by our spiritual words, but to be aware of our deeds.
What a profound lesson to bring down into our lives, the love, connections, and magic we are seeking “up there”… It was through my presence of heart, through my breath and my words, that I was getting the answers to my prayers.
But this was not the end of the story… As I was in Peru in December 2017, I received a deep calling to work with grandfather medicine, Huachuma. In multiple ceremonies visions of past lives, of ancestors, came to show me a clear vision of my path ahead in the plant medicine world. Back home this January 2018, I fell sick again. 1 week in bed. High fever, “unknown” origin. Burning, shedding skins. Same symptoms as the ones I had a month before my grandfather past away. I did not know what was happening but surrendered and trusted it had a meaning. 3 weeks later my grandmother got a stroke and died. And in case I did not hear the message clearly, she also died on a super full moon night, like my grandfather.
So here I am. Back in Corsica. Facing the family chapel. Putting my grandmother next to my grandfather. Feeling in my heart the pain of my mother and her sisters. Filled with my own pain of the separation, but filled with a much bigger cup of love, gratitude, and magic.
I feel and see my ancestors all around me. I hear their whispering. I look at the sunset behind the church, and the Spirits of the West are magnificent in their orange glowing evening dresses. They don’t make death sad. They make death a renewal, a new chapter, a return to the light.
As I take my mother, my aunt, and my cousin, in my arms, with eyes filled with tears, my heart is smiling, laughing, at the incredible magic of this life, our lives, and the infinite ever-presence of God’s Love within everything.
I am ready to leave the island. I hold in my hand a photo I just discovered (here above) of my great-great grandfather, a priest who left his robe for the love of a woman, my great-great grandmother, so my grandfather, my mother, and I could come to be… And God’s whispering to me “you see, LOVE is what is the most important… Love is who you are”.
I can hardly breathe that fully in. It is so much. It is so big. I gasp. I cry. I breathe in and out deeply. Why is it so hard to allow? Why is it so scary? So I go walk on the beach, and I see the beauty of my footsteps in the sand. Quickly erased by the movement of the waves. I see my life, the life of my ancestors, all coming in and out, in the blink of an eye, erased by the ever going breathing of the souls. In and out. In and out. I feel deeply in my heart that I am nothing. But with the chain of souls of my ancestors with and within me, I am more, I am maybe everything. We are the thread of meaning. The thread of prayers. The thread of hearts. The thread of Love. We are Love.
Tears start to flow on my face. I feel my ancestors again. I feel all of them. Humans, Trees, Plants, Rocks. All of them. Here I am. A grain of sand. Here they are, next to me. Millions of them. Washed by the wave. And I hear a whisper… In the wind… In the sound of the wave… In the washed sand… They are whispering to me… “Where do you come from Guillaume? Who are you Guillaume? Where are you going Guillaume?”. I look at my footsteps once again washed away by the wave. I breathe deeply in my body. I let my heart be filled with Love. And I whisper back… Through the wind… “I am you. I am Love. I am nothing and I am everything. I am walking in the infinite circle of creation. I am going towards where I come from, I am going home. I am home”.
With shaking knees, I smile, I cry, I laugh, I love and I pray.
Tonight I finally sit on the shoulder of my ancestors, and the view is magnificent.
Shawinigan Ungaia / The Sanctuary
If you want to go deeper with your own connection, come do this Ancestor Meditation