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Down the Rabbit Hole of Being Human

Today, like many days, I fell into a rabbit hole—not a physical one like in Alice in Wonderland, but a philosophical, mystical, and spiritual one.


Alice and Rabbits

I wondered if our big brain, this powerful frontal cortex that created rocket ships, advanced science, and more, is an advantage for us or a severing of our ability to connect more directly to reality, magic, and the wild world.


I wished for a moment to live in a bee's nervous system, fully connected to the Earth's lay lines, the sun's vibration, and the flowers' energy waves. How wonderful it must be to live in that perspective without the worry of daily chores and the distractions of digital screens.


I wished for a moment to live in the four-legged position, body, and spirit of a deer. How does it feel to sleep on the crushed leaves, smell the forest's magic in-depth, grow antlers and shed them, wake up to the sunrise with my herd, and spend the day foraging, walking the ancient path in the woods? Knowing all there is to know about that land without ever going to school or reading a book about it...


I wished for a moment to live as an Oak tree—without a frontal cortex or any human brain, in a nervous system connected to the depth of the Earth, the intelligence of the mycelium, and to feel a new leaf bursting out of my bark, to grow an acorn and let it go, and to receive the seasons, sun cycles, and weather changes with open branches and timeless presence.


I wished for a moment to be one of those single-cell organisms that live in the great oceans, not ever worried about time or schedule, not having to go to any work, not having to do taxes or pay bills. To float in total surrender of the great ocean waves and currents, drinking the salty water and warming under the sun. And just waiting to be swallowed by a great whale.


Is there any less beauty, love, meaning, and connection in their lives? It seems to me there is more. In their presence, I feel their wisdom, their connection to the mysterious and infinite that does not need any word, science, invention, or effort. This pure presence is never distracted by worries or fear.


Maybe we are just an experiment—something Earth, God, and Nature secretly concocted on a drunken night of creation, not knowing what it would truly be like, how long it will last, or if it has any other purpose than being it.


I wonder what they feel and think when they look at us right now. Are they proud? Are they disappointed? Are they still holding us in the immense unconditional love I can feel pulsating in the land and its non-human beings? Or are they hoping we awaken to timeless love and presence, and praying for us?


There is a possibility that we were created so that some could write poetry, others could dance, others could sing, some could love, some could make art with clay, and some would dream of traveling to the stars. Maybe we were created to be a two legged mytopoetic expression of God's love?


Maybe it's just my hope that somehow, this creation of us has more purpose than a grain of sand and will last longer than a firefly.


I don't know. No one knows. That may be better that way. It keeps us in our place—humble under the 300-year-old Oak, humble watching billions of timeless stars, humble when microscopic beings will eat us, humble when we learn from one gentle bee.


Maybe those words and this poetry are unnecessary. Or perhaps it is my attempt to feel and connect as profoundly as they all do so effortlessly out there in the great wild world.


Is my writing supporting you? If it is in your means and desire, you can support me here: https://www.patreon.com/thesanctuaryny


With Gratitude,


Angell Deer

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