It is probably what makes love so precious. Because it accesses our tenderness, our fragility inside, the hidden places of shame and unworthiness. It fills the cracks with boiling liquid gold.
When we let love really open inside of us, we become naked to the "others", we make space inside the terror of being fully seen. We give the lover access to the most tender places of our being. Our ancient trauma stories. The places we were never loved. To learn love right there.
That is why it can feel so hard to open fully to another person, to let them in that place. It requires this bond of trust and safety that is the only bridge into the darkest places. The only bridge back into wholeness and holiness.
I have experienced that it is a lie to believe we fully heal on our own. There is indeed a space and a time for our healing work just with self. Just with our self-love and self-terror. And that is ground zero for the deepest work. The foundation of the house of healing.
Yet once we get to touch our fragility, our trauma, our most tender and precious inner crack, we can from this place open a gate to the lover. First, the lover is God. Then maybe it is that sacred land or place. Then it is that extraordinary lover. When that sacred encounter and offering are realized in a co-created web of safety and trust, our love ceremony can fully open.
In there we discover even more deeply our own fragility and also our own power, the unbreakable part in us. It is quite ironic or maybe just extraordinary to discover that the source of our power lives so intimately with our most tender fragility.
That shame and love can be roommates.
That terror and love can sit at the same table.
That nakedness is dressed in diamond robes.
It is where the Alchemist reside. The ancient wizard and witch. The prophets and the sages. The tantric lovers. The God inside me and my lover.
That place where a rough piece of coal can turn into gold just with that one sacred touch, that one caring look, that word from the beloved "I Love you".
I might fight my whole life to defend the depth of my terror. And yet, it is where I will learn my way home and find my sanctuary.
We are, you and I, so very fragile, and yet, we are unbreakable.
Angell Deer
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