We have one soul. But we often forget to remember that soul is made of hundreds of parts, all playing a role in our journey, in our behaviors, in our despairs and joys.
As I was working with clients those past weeks, it came to me that I should write about that often forgotten Truth. We too often seek a unified view of our soul which leads to thriving to find a uniform way of behaving and of understanding.
There are parts of you which are afraid, some are willing, some are needed to be seen, some are seen, some are loving, some are hating, some are angry, some are joyful, some are feeling powerless and some are full of power.
The path of healing requires to not only recognize which parts play a role in each of our behavior, and which parts are in the front or back seat of the show. It can be unsettling to sometimes feel totally opposite feeling and desires. We want a relationship but are afraid of them. We want to love but have blocks to materialize them. We feel despair and powerlessness at the same time as we can witness our joy and power.
There is a part of you which want to heal, and a part of you which is afraid of it. A part of you will show up sometimes to heal and step ahead, and a part of you will stop you sometimes and makes you want to run away.
The greatest transformation you will achieve is to not only know your parts but accept and feel how absurd they often can show up in your life. Only when we will know all our parts, and be able to shift their roles, will we allow deep and long-standing transformation to happen.
I am afraid, but I am not fear
I am happy, but I am not happiness
I am sad, but I am not sadness
I am angry, but I am not anger
I am blocked, but I am not the block
I am... but I am not just...
The first step in this process is to FEEL in your heart those parts. The mind has a very dualistic way to look at things. I am this or I am that I cannot be both say the mind. But your heart is and will be able to step into a non-dualistic view (feeling) of who you truly are. It will not make any sense to the mind, that will be the strongest engine of resistance to work with the parts. FEEL when you have a part in the play (fear, joy, anger, love, shyness, powerlessness, power, strength, will, depression, etc) and see how and when this part comes to the stage to play its role. In the same moment, watch from the stage the other opposite parts which are not playing right now but had/have/will play an opposite role.
I had a client the other day who said to me "I am really afraid that I am never going to be able to heal this, and that I am not even trying anymore". He said that to me in the middle of a healing session. He was showing up. He was doing the work. So one of his parts was willing, one of his parts believed, one of his parts knew it is possible. Yet another part, in that moment playing on the stage, was voicing its presence, wanted to be seen and felt. Both parts exist, both parts are important elements of his soul. Yet neither one or the other is the full story.
The second part of the process is to bring love to ALL the parts instead of fighting the one we do not like. Fighting a part is telling the mind this is not me, this is not good, it is dissociating from who we are as in truth we are this too (but not only this). When we fight/run away or freeze, we activate the back branch of our nervous system, the "animal" part of the brain. That system has only 3 modes of behaving, fight, flight or freeze. Yet when we start loving that part of us, we activate the front branch of our nervous system which goes down into our heart and guts. It opens our self to the possibility of non-dualistic view and it allows the mind to see a safe new possibility. The old stories (from this life or previous one) do not play on stage full time, I allow new parts to come into play. I allow opposite part to see each other and to respect and love each other.
I can be sad and also feel joy at the same time.
I can feel powerless and also see the place I have power.
I can witness my anger but also see that I carry peace.
I can see when I am afraid but also experience love at the same time.
Only your heart will be able to hold those opposites together. And only your mind will try to make sense of something which does not make sense for It. Yet your Heart will know, will feel, it is possible. You will free yourself from bouncing back from one part to another. You will create a 3rd possibility, a path where both part walk next to you.
As we grow this new muscle, those new neural pathways, we will be able to show up with more vulnerability and accept our perfectly imperfect self. We will stop thriving to be an angel and will become human. We will not practice "spiritual escapism" by using a statement like "I am all light" but will do the real spiritual work, being human, in 3D, and accept both darkness and light as the fundamental building blocks of our soul and being. When this happens I will be able to start dancing with my parts instead of clinging to some, avoiding others, and fighting many.
Getting to know your soul, is getting to know all its parts
Getting to know your soul, is getting to feel all its parts
Getting to know your soul, is getting to listen to all its parts
Getting to know your soul, is getting to accept all its parts
Getting to know your soul, is getting to love all its parts
I, myself, continue relentlessly every day to discover new parts in me. Sometimes it is beautiful. Sometimes it is very scary. Sometimes I discover powerful shadows that I humbly bow to for their teachings and power. I have stopped the fighting. I have stopped the judging.
I am not perfect. I am not an angel. But I am discovering what freedom feels like and how beautiful it is to be fully human. I finally said yes to the human experience my soul has chosen.
I am here to guide you in this adventure, in this process, if you feel you need support.
Shawinigan Ungaia / The Sanctuary