God and me

Being human. The greatest calling and difficulty of anyone alive. Spiritual seekers included.


It is so easy to refuse the calling. Escaping through various practices the tender parts of our wounded inner child.


How clever is our mind. And our body. Making the choices for us to hide, numb, and run away from the monsters within.


Alcohol or yoga. Drug or meditation. Social media or isolation. TV or love-light spiritual bypassing. How clever is the powerful wiring that prevents us from feeling the depth of the grief, pain, and anger that lie beneath the surface of a well-composed mask of lies.


How clever is the society we have built, with our colonized mind bodies and economies have set us up for avoidance, bypassing, and fake victories and successes.


And yet we have chosen to incarnate in this body. In this family. In this life. We somehow ended up living on this occupied land, in this messy and broken world.


And yet the love keeps calling us. Reminding us. That we belong. We belong more in our bodies than in the wings of our guardian angels. We belong more in the raging sea of our emotion than the settled void of our escaping. We belong more in the hard to reconcile pain of our separation than in the blank statement that it is all light and love.


Do not misunderstand me. All of those are ultimate truth. The void. The light. The love. The oneness. All of those are homes for our broken souls. All of those are more than dreams of a final destination we will all reach with or without prayers, with or without yoga, with or without meditation, or with or without ceremonies.


Yet the beloved called us into those bodies. Those moments of human truth. Into the deep courage it takes to live fully each emotion, each brokenness to discover the ultimate truth of the God within. So we could learn what it truly is to be human. So we could bring back home a rich experience of belonging together in the extreme tensions of human life.


Maybe it is because God wanted to experience this full human life from a two-legged perspective. With two feet on the earth. With a mind that dreams of possibilities. With a stormy ocean of emotions that ultimately allows deep intimate connections.


Maybe to become fully divine the only thing we have to do is to become fully human.


Maybe it's what we are desperately trying to remember and to divinely love. This humanness.


Angell Deer



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