One of my childhood experiences that impacted me so profoundly was being bullied at school. It was a bullying that is still quite blurry to me 40 years later, yet that made me distrustful of people and very attuned to settle signals of danger.
Over the years, the pain of being bullied has transformed into a journey of self-healing, leading to some of my most impactful work of offering and service. This transformation has allowed me to empathize with the pain of others, shifting my focus from retaliation to rekindling connections.
However, this journey of healing is ongoing. There have been times when I was not as kind or open-hearted as I deeply desired to be. Like everyone, I have my bad days. Some life experiences have made certain years emotionally challenging and closed me off. I still carry the pain from those times and continue to work on healing myself.
Because of those early experiences, I have never sought to "get even" but always sought ways to change, heal, and become more authentic, kind, and open.
Looking back, I can see how that final stage of healing has allowed me to use "what happened to me" to help others.
But it also made me realize that I should not equate being a good person with how much I am willing to suffer in silence. Being kind does not mean being okay with what is said behind closed doors or what is done to harm me or others purposely. It is one thing to hurt someone with our words unconsciously; it is a different thing to perpetuate harm and try to hurt others actively.
My teacher once shared that the cloud people are wise keepers for this work. We, like clouds, are ever-changing. We cannot define ourselves or others by a single moment or aspect. We must allow each other to be fluid, changing, constantly unbecoming, and becoming. When we are stormy, we must give the gift of empathy, compassion, and love to each other (and to ourselves!). This is the power of empathy, the strength in vulnerability.
We are currently in the season of clouds, with thunder and rapid storms passing over the land. It is during this time that I reflect with the grandmothers and grandfathers in the sky. I seek forgiveness and guidance on how to return to love, how to be fluid, and how to embody the empathy and unconditional love that I sometimes find for myself, more often with those who are trying to define me within the context of my pain or theirs.
There is an old native teaching that says that when we point one finger at someone, three fingers point back at ourselves. It's a simple yet difficult teaching. But I like to keep returning to simple truths. I wish to see how I can walk this life with more beauty and return to the good way when I lost my way in the storm.
May we gift this work of healing and empathy to ourselves and each other. May we continue to learn and grow together, always striving to be better versions of ourselves.
Angell
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