This past month of Dieta and time in Peru, with my beautiful partner, my teacher, my community and my friends, helped cleared some old OLD stuff out. Yet feeling a deeper process is at play, coming out of that rebirth and renaming.
Shedding is always scary. Even shading the old ugly stuff. Somehow we find so much comfort in the old habits, even when they are creating pain within us and around us. That sticky Ego and all its forms of addictions and attachment. We want to be reborn but we do not want to die!
Interesting how, on this conscious path, we are called to go always deeper in the truth of the wounds, the wisdom of the pain, the teachings of the dark, while the light and clarity is always rising at the same time. How we have to learn to walk or dance, with all aspects of self and of life. Not searching or seeking one side, the light or the dark, but learning to reconcile both dark and light, to discover and embody our true wholeness. Walking in the middle of all. In the balance offered by this duality.
The Ego tricks us and keeps us safely unhealed. Playing masks and stories, habits and avoidance, so we can pretend that "all is fine". Yet the Ego lies will never fully silence the wild soul that wants to show us what it can means when "all is fine".
A deeper call in my heart that expands towards others. Filled with immense curiosity and compassion. A deep love for the brokenness of this world. As deep or often deeper as for the beauty of humankind. Excited to see the shared human experience of that dance. The magical mirrors of the "others" who teach us so well everything we need to know about ourself.
But also excited by the never-ending spiral of revisiting more deeply each time, with more strength, more courage, the "shamed parts" of the self. The wounded inner child.
Learning with sometimes baby steps and sometimes a giant leap of faith, how to fall in love with the dark, wounded, painful, shameful parts. And learning to keep honoring them. Parenting them. Loving them. Caring deeply for them. While rediscovering, again and again, the immense beauty I, we, carry.
As our Hearts keeps breaking over and over again, She (God) shows me, and remind me, that we are worth being loved, even in our total brokenness, despair and absurdity. She teaches us truly how to Love and what is Love about...
In the same way, as She loves us, we learn to Love ourself as She does. Fully. Whole. Rooted in the often painful and laughable presence of all we are! Becoming step by step closer to Her, closer to All.
It is humbling. It is necessary. It is a choice. it is The Medicine. It is living life at its best.
“Let me not pray to be sheltered from danger, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved, but for the patience to win my freedom.” ~ Rabindranath Tagore
With so much Love for all of you, Angell