You have seduced me! And I let myself be seduced!
It's in those quite strong words that Jeremiah talk to God, very upset after Her! He is being asked to tell his people things they don't like/want to hear, and so everyone in his community gets really upset after him...
I love the use of this word. Seduced. There is something very intense, very intimate, and a bit scandalous... There are many ways it was translated from the ancient Hebrew: persuaded, deceived, fooled, enticed... But my dear friend and old Hebrew scholar Pastor Bruce told me that the real word used in ancient Hebrew was closer to F***cked/Raped than anything else...
As we receive our calling from God, often we resist it. We hear it but we do not listen. We are afraid of what is asked of us. We do not believe... We can may be feel whats coming if we say YES: The profound annihilation of what we are, we have, we know... A place where only the depth of the Loving Heart will subsist, after all the layers of the mind, the Ego, the "desires", the "needs", the "wishes" are exterminated. A place where often, like for Jeremiah, we want to scream at God "You have seduced me! And I let my self-being seduced"
Those words were read to me when I took my vows on my Baptism 3 weeks ago but I want to share a powerful experience which happened this week as I was laying in pain, recovering from my trail. A day after being back. clearly experiencing the deepest pain I ever had to, feet and legs up, in bed all day, with enormous feet & knees. 4 or 5 people reach out to me directly, called me, to take some news about my condition. After a few minutes explaining the ridiculous irony of my illness, all those conversations turn towards them, those who call, being in need of emotional/spiritual support. Which my Heart instinctively offered. Without realizing "I was back to the Work".
So I moved painfully to the bathroom to take a shower. And prayed. I was crying of the pain and also at how upset I was at God for not giving me more than a day of rest. I was swearing at Her like Jeremiah was... And here She was. Smiling at me. Listening to my complaints... yes, yes, yes... And waiting patiently that I was finished to complain. And then She said: "OK, I heard you, Dear One, now get a hold of yourself, and go back Serve, many people need you".
You have seduced me! And I let myself be seduced!
A calling is a place where we will for sure deeply experience turmoil and Heartbreaks. We are not "dating God" but clearly we are committed to serving Her, like in a marriage. It's deeply intimate. Deep in the skin, in the bones. There is no escape. And we need to know there is like in any relationship highs and lows. There are moments where we won't be able to see her support or feel her. Yet we need to know Her Love is always there when we look deep enough in our Hearts. "Bless are those who have seen and who believe BUT more blessed are those who did not see and still believed...". FAITH!
As one of my teachers told me, If there are no turmoils, no heartbreak, you are not doing the Work. Work and meeting Her happen on the EDGES, not in the middle. In places where your whole world will be challenged, where you will have to let go of those you love the most. Because it's there and only there that you will know what unconditional Love truly IS...
So what are we left with to navigate? Faith. Prayer. And Love. Lots of unconditional Love. The one you find in the ashes of the deepest Heartbreak.
"You have seduced me, Yahweh, and I have let myself be seduced; you have overpowered me: you were the stronger. I am a laughing-stock all day long, they all make fun of me.
For whenever I speak, I have to howl and proclaim, 'Violence and ruin!' For me, Yahweh's word has been the cause of insult and derision all day long.
I would say to myself, 'I will not think about her, I will not speak in her name anymore,' but then there seemed to be a fire burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones. The effort to restrain it wearied me, I could not do it." Jeremiah 20-7.9
I changed "him" in "her" in the Jeremiah translation as Yahweh (God) is a Feminine word and not masculine. "She creates", "She renew", "She birth", ...
God bless you all on your path of Self-discovery
Shawinigan Ungaia / The Sanctuary
(While listening to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKKvdQPsMz8)
