Grief, Hope, and Prayer, in service of our deepest calling

Over the last 10 years of embracing my calling with this path of service, I have encountered many highs and lows that both have opened my Heart to ancient ways of living, relating and loving. I have also encountered many who came for healing and who now are deeply empowered and are serving their community, families, and this planet.


It is my deep belief that ultimately, we are all called to serving others.


Yet the way we will serve and who we are called to serve can take an infinite range of possibilities. We might be called to serve the Earth, her waters, her lands, her animals, her forest. We might be called to serve our two-legged brothers and sisters, from children to adults, elderly to the outcast, or those the system is too often rejecting or neglecting. I have friends who have chosen to work with communities of color, LGBTQ members, mentally challenged individuals, refugees or native communities. Some are fighting for clean water, for safe lands, or for the climate.


One of the deep truths that is emerging from all those years is that even if the early calling is not clear in the how & who to serve, Spirit will & is guiding each and every one of us in mysterious and magical ways to bring us where we will be needed, where our unique set of skills will be the most useful.


For that to happen we must be willing to let go of any control or idea of how things should be.

Anyone I know in a path of deep service has had to let go of some ideas of what life should be. Very often their career, partnerships, place of living, way of life, have been challenged to extreme ways so layers of identity could be shed, the heart could be broken, Ego could be shattered and fears could be mastered. In this new body, freed from trauma, humbled by years of deep inner work, Spirit found its way to be heard and allowed.


The whole western way of living and relating is extremely challenging to this path. As it emphasizes mainly on security, belief systems, cultural and colonial ways of relating to each other’s and to the planet.


The path less traveled is therefor often alienating and scary. So, I do not know any better ways to go through it with strength and faith that to connect to those who have walked those ways. From Elders to masters, we can find, learn and remember the ancient wisdom needed to walk this path alone together.


The reality of the power of a strong connected community can then take us back home. In the same way our ancient tribes did for us. Places where strong individual whole-hearted identities are embraced and empowered. Places where the power of the collective is not based on competition and scarcity but on partnership and abundance. Places where the power of coming together is not about fear and safety but is about selflessness and togetherness.


It is where the true healer (the full-hearted human) in each of us can be born.


Where the unique medicine we all carry deeply hidden in our heart can be safely revealed, owned and given. There we can teach each other how to fly, how to dream, how to live without ever needing to control nor judge. We lead through the example of our own way of life, our own courage to embrace our shadows and Light, our own struggles, defeats, and victories.


As we become more and more human, less and less fearful and self-doubting, the beauty of our unique ways become a GPS for the others. A guiding system but never a strict and controlled map.

I often dream of this new Earth where people of all colors, faith, religions, sexual identities, and social background are sitting again together in a circle around the fire. Looking at each other eyes with infinite love and compassion. Giving permission to each other to be fully alive and true to their gift. Never ashamed nor afraid of the innate wilderness true to each being. Drumming and singing together in unity. Calling their own gods and spirits into this rainbow song.


This dream keeps me alive and hopeful. It allows me to find hope in the moment of deep grief and pain I am willing to experience and feel when our Earth and my relations are bleeding and suffering.


I weep for the burned forest, the polluted waters, the collapsing ecosystems, the disappearing bees, the slaughtered wildlife, the abandoned children at the border, the hungry and the homeless, the poor and the needy. I weep for my brothers and sisters who are calling for help and are received with the authority of guns and global anger. I weep for the displaced families and mothers who are trying to find a safe home and are not welcome around the table.


I weep and I dream. I hope and I pray. For the rainbow gathering.


The weeping, the hope, and the prayers are helping me to keep finding my ground on this shaky road, so I can take the right next step towards my brothers and sisters, towards all my relations.

My eyes are blurry with tears, but the voice in my heart guides me with strength and faith even through my darkest night. As much as the world pain is trying to blind me and scare me, my Heart to the contrary is finding more clarity and keep seeing the way clearer than ever.


As the shepherd, I slow down to find and call my herd. I listen to the sky and clouds. I listen to the mountain and the rivers. I attuned myself to the ancient calling of the Mother. Because I know she is not afraid, I know she will always selflessly guide me, and all of us, towards the ancient fire. The ancient circle. The place where all gods, all Spirits and all relations were united and will be reunited.


So, when I hear Her call more clearly, I try to answer. Sometimes failing. Sometimes victorious. Yet I do not know what the path looks like, I just know I need to take that next step.


I need to surrender knowing to allow a deep living in faith.


Deeply listening. Deeply praying. Deeply loving. Deeply humbled.


I weep, I hope, I pray and I walk towards you and with you.


Angell Deer



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