When I launched The Sanctuary Podcast 6 years ago it was a major stretch to my edges to share my voice, publicly. I was scared. I wanted to keep myself small. This week it just reached 30,000 downloads. But that journey was not without fears, shame and pain...
I went through a lot of phases:
"Who am I to share spiritual wisdom?"
"What if my friends and family laugh at this?"
"I will never be as good as my teachers"
"Will I be ok to feel rejection and shame?"
"There are plenty of other spiritual podcasts out there, why create one more?"
The truth is that all the "risks" I felt were OUT THERE were just a reflection of all the "fears" that were IN THERE.
Coming "out of the closet" is always/often seen or felt like a risk, especially when it comes to embodying our Spiritual calling. Being seen by others is often felt like a risk. Being authentic is always felt like a risk.
was
For me, as a neurodiverse and on-the-spectrum person, it is even more frightening. Being seen can often feel very unsafe and a death threat. Unearthing shame and old traumas. So often have I been misunderstood and misread in my wild emotional responses.
This is where we often stand.
We want to wait to "be better or perfect or safe" to share our offering.
Which is an endless wait. And will create illnesses as all gifts and medicines we carry that are not used = given to the world will make us sick.
The truth is that we need to come out with our imperfections and be ready to be seen, even failing.
Only in this true nakedness can we truly feel "Can you SEE ME? Can you HOLD ME? Can you LOVE ME?". When we can feel it is ok to be seen in our imperfections, then we have truly started to heal the deepest wounds.
So yes I went through many phases of rejection, dear friends not listening, others thinking it was not interesting. But also received and keep receiving much more support and loving words every day.
Today I feel that this vulnerability brought me in touch with a more authentic voice within me. Forced me to look at the "why" and "how" of sharing my voice. So I want to thank you to those who supported this from Day 1, and also those who did not as you pushed me into deeper inner territories, forcing me to face my fears, my shame, my traumas, and my insecurities. Ultimately you all helped me to find my voice, a bit deeper every day. I want to say THANK YOU to ALL of you.
So just know that YOU ARE READY too! To be SEEN! To be HEARD! To be HELD! To be LOVED! And that you are worthy of all of this, now, here, with all your imperfections.
Your GIFT, your OFFERING is to come out. Fully. Naked. Raw. Wild. Unapologetic. Here and now.
You can find and follow the Podcast on iTunes, Spotify, Podbean, etc at https://thesanctuaryny.podbean.com/
It would mean the world to me if you listen, follow, or put a review of my podcast on iTunes, just a few words would help it get a better ranking.
THANK YOU ❤️
Much Love,
Angell Deer
