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I understand and accept that from time to time you and I will fail at this.

There is something deeply heartbreaking in the profound rifts we have created between each other. The heartbreaking pain of separation.


Deeply troubling too is the increasing binary separation between the spiritual and the non-spiritual, the awakened and the non-awakened, the constant ways to bring duality and opposition instead of seeking a new way beyond this. A third way that is so rarely explored in today’s world: An ancient way of balance, harmony, and truth.


Those false narratives (false as non-carriers of ultimate truth) provide often solid ground to justify further separation and harms, while preventing us all to truly heal our collective and individual wounds.



A long time ago a precious elder taught me an immense gem of wisdom: we cannot keep the pain of the world outside of the circle. Outside of "our community.” We cannot. That it was the “modern” (yet false) narrative of separation that had us believe that there was a “me” independent of “you.” An “out-there” independent of “in-there.”


He said, "if you do good work, whatever is out there, will show up in there." By “there,” he meant community, circle, and self. All being ultimately one complex being as connected as every cell of my body. Let me repeat it “if you do good work, whatever is out there, will show up in there”.


Decades of being a beekeeper, a land caretaker, a ceremonialist, a teacher, a student, a space holder, a lover, a friend, a son, and a husband has taught me how true this precious teaching is and how unavoidable this sacred bond is in every single aspect of my life. We can falsely believe we can break that bond, keep “other” outside of our space, but in truth there are invisible connections that cannot be truly broken.


And yet I constantly witness, hear and read "This is not my vibration," "this is not in service of my higher self," "spirit told me" (my teacher always says, "how do you know it is spirit talking to you...?"), "there is only love and light," in justification of deep bypassing and often very deeply human painful circumstances and situations. Low vibe & high vibe statements contain in themselves the root cause of all our pain, separation, and ignorance.


I understand and accept that from time to time you and I will fail at perceiving this.


It is sadly true that we can sometimes assume that we have the illusion to fully grasp a situation, have full knowledge of what the situation looks like and its true roots, have a God view on what is best for all, and have somehow resolve the dilemma of conflict by extending space, time, and judgments between each other. It is sadly true that we think we can fix the problems of the world with a new invention, a new technology, a greener product, while we, in truth, never address the root causes of our systemic violence and destructive behaviors.


We leave each other like planes leave airports with official public announcements to all. We block each other through electronic means forgetting that pain and souls do not connect nor disconnect through such means. We “green our lives” thinking that will solve the issues of ecological collapse.


I have done my good share of that, so I acknowledge the reality of it in the deep pain I carry from those moments of loss and confusion.


I understand and accept that from time to time you and I will fail like that.


It is true and undeniable that in violent, oppressive, emotionally abusive, and dangerous situations there is an immediate necessity of separation and a clear need of very strong boundaries. Yet, in most cases of our more frequent disagreements that we witness on social media, with friends or family, or in communities, our dysregulated and unhealed bodies will whisper "truth" that might not be what will ultimately bring healing and transformation. That will not bring the new (old) way of relating.


We channel guidance from false Gods and damaged guts whose only roles are to keep us in our old narratives and justify the wounded stories we carry. We are safer but locked again in the jail of the trauma with our wounded inner child and family karma.


In the same way that we cannot truly run away from our own shadows, trauma, and pain, we cannot run away from the difficulty of intimate connections as lovers, partners, friends, and humans.

If we commit to connection, to togetherness, we must accept the suffering that is present in human life and in every human connection.


I understand and accept that from time to time you and I will fail at accepting this.



Would you support my writing? Visit https://www.patreon.com/thesanctuaryny


Thank you!


Angell Deer


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